This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
