Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
