I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
