note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
