My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
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