Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
