Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
