Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
