Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
