They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
