omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
