alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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