I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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