i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
