Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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