I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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