Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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