she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize