Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
