youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
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