Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
