Got a toothbrush?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
