Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
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