Already got asked if we're dating
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
