best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize