i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
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