She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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