I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
