He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
