He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
