ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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