my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
