in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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