it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I will be naked everywhere
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
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