It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You are the jesus of drinking
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize