Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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