i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
