I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
