I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
