i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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