CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
