I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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