Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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