at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
