i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
