Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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