I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize