guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize