i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Is this like a preordered booty call?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
