Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
