im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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