Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
is it fun? or sober?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
