Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
We are two peas in an std pod
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
