she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
