I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
There r osticjed everywhere
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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