So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
