Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
