I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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