i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
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