You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
