Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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