By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
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