I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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