last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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