she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
