Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
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