so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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