8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
