i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize