it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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