my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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