Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
